process essay

Writing a Poem
Ingredients:
Large wastebasket
2 pens (different color inks)
Paper (approx. 7 raw for each finished)
Small figurine
Masking tape
Comfortable chair
Rocks glass
Ice
Scotch
Settle in to the comfy chair and adjust your position constantly until no lumps are left in the cushion (approx. six minutes). Remove self from chair, place wastebasket within paper throwing distance. This varies with writer’s coordination and arm strength. Settle back into chair, repeating first step. Again remove self from chair, add paper and pens to chair and reseat self. Using capped pen, scratch head and scalp thoroughly until red marks appear. Remove self from chair; turn on television to see how Celtics are doing. If satisfied, return to chair. If unsatisfied scratch head and scalp again, return to chair. Rise from chair, add masking tape and figurine. Take small piece of masking tape (larger if figurine is larger) and place on base of figurine. Write “Erato” on base of figurine on masking tape and reseat in chair, repeating first step. Let sit.
At this point, mind should be focused on poem subject. If not, turn on television again and check Celtics score. If game is out of hand or over, check the Home Shopping Network to see what’s for sale. Re-seat, re-scratch and ball up one piece of paper, rolling in a circular motion in palms until tight. Toss in general direction of wastebasket. If unsuccessful repeat. If successful remove “Erato” label from figurine, replace with “Larry Bird”. Repeat head scratching with second pen and let sit.
Remove from chair and add ice to glass. Slowly pour one jigger scotch over ice and re-sit. Repeat step one. Using one colored pen write “It was a dark and stormy night” on top sheet of paper. Chuckle silently to yourself and repeat the balling rolling motion. Toss at wastebasket. Sip scotch. Repeat scratching of head step. On second piece of paper write “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times on the bipolar ward”. Repeat chuckling step. Repeat sipping step. Repeat balling and throwing step. Repeat sipping step. Re-check Celtics score if still on, if not order something from Home Shopping Network for neighbors. Repeat chuckling step. Repeat sipping step. Remove from chair and add more ice and scotch. Let sit.
Holding paper the long way fold into airplane. Repeat sipping step. Toss airplane at wastebasket. Repeat sipping step. Remove label from figurine and replace with “William McGonagall”. Repeat sipping step. Repeat chuckling step. Check wastebasket for fullness. If not full reserve one sheet of paper and alternate between balling and tossing step and airplane step until full. On reserved sheet write “note to self…Must write poem in A.M. before school!!” Place paper on counter by coffee machine. Repeat sipping step until liquid is gone and ice hits nose. Go to bed.